Dear DA Members
by The Bickering Kingdom
Summary: Harry tries to keep the D.A from getting into trouble.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Dear D. A Members, **

**As much as I think you're all awesome, I think we need to straighten out what we are allowed to do as a group.**

**1\. The D.A motto has not nor will it ever be, "Let's go kidnap a donkey,".**

**The reason it isn't our motto is because it is stupid.**

**2\. We are supposed to be a secret, so stop writing to your parents telling them about joining D.A **

**3\. Fred and George are to stop being a corrupting influences of others. **

**Especially Hermione, I mean she's super smart and if she becomes like you two we're all doomed.**

**4\. Just because we are called Dumbledore's Army it doesn't mean we have to dress up like Dumbledore.**

**I mean if you really want to dress up as Dumbledore then go a head, but it isn't compulseary.**

**5\. Stop screaming weird things, for example "Goblins ate my pajamas,". **

**It is saying things like this is why we keep receiving strange looks.**

**6\. Hermione, please stop writing threatening letters to Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail or whatever treacherous git goes by now.**

**Both Sirius and I appreciate the gesture, but Dumbledore doesn't. **

**Also it is probably best that the letters to the Dursleys stop as well.**

**7\. Death Eaters are not to be mocked, well they are, but not to their face. **

**Do it in an anonymous letter, like I do.**

**8\. You cannot leave a meeting early because you have to break into Umbridge's office to mess it up.**

**It can wait until after the meeting has finshed.**

**9\. I am not in love with Draco Malfoy and I'll hex the next person who says that I am.**

**I swear to Merlin whoever it is will rue the day they were born.**

**10\. You are not allowed to release a statement to the press on my behalf. **

**Especially if it says this, **

**A penguin stole my broom, Voldemort can go and suck on a lemon, I love cheese. **

**Thank -You very much this statement is from Harry Potter who couldn't do it his self as he is eating marshmallows.**

**Sincerely Harry Potter.**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

11, 12,&amp; 13 Belongs to HallowRain8587.

18\. Belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model.

A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers.

**Dear D.A Members,**

**New weekly assignment will be taught by Ginny Weasley who has perfected the Bat Bogey Hex and will share the knowledge with the group. **

**This is especially annoying and can buy a lot of time while you are figuring out what else you can do.**

**11\. Just because they are Slytherins, doesn't mean they cannot join the DA.**

**They will have to also sign the pledge of secrecy also. Inviting Slytherins with the dark mark is not a good idea, they are too conflicted already.**

**12\. Seamus and Neville are not a good pairing for practice.**

**Neither has perfected good defensive strategy and the rest of us have to spend too much time unjinxing, undoing curses, etc. to get anything done, otherwise the two will lie writhing on the floor or levitated to the ceiling all hour and time is of the essence.**

**13\. If you break your wand, don't Spello-tape it.**

**Just ask Ron about eating slugs or Professor Lockhart, who currently resides in the mental ward of St. Mungo's. We have a small endowment to purchase new ones.**

**14\. Nobody is allowed to insult Hedwig.**

**I will hex you, my owl is awesome.**

**15\. Not allowed to dress up as me and claim to be my evil twin.**

**The first time it happened it was amusing, but it became annoying after the tenth time.**

**16\. No-one is to lock Ron and Malfoy in a closet, and take bets on who will come out alive?.**

**Because I will tell your mother if you do and no, that isn't a threat Fred and George that is a promise.**

**17\. Not allowed to charm objects to screech so loud that makes people's ears feel as they are bleeding.**

**18\. I am not in love with the following people:**

**-Draco Malfoy**

**-Ron Weasley**

**-Hermione Granger**

**-Luna Lovegood**

**-Fred/George Weasley**

**-Neville Longbottom**

**-Myself**

**If you really want to know, I'm in love with Ginny Weasley (sorry, Cho). Oh, and I'm pretty sure Ron and Hermione have crushes on each other.**

**19\. Sending Voldemort a very insulting letter feels good, but results in Dumbledore moaning at you, about annoyinng the darkest wizard of all time. **

**20\. Always deny your involvement in sending Umbridge howlers. **

**She can't prove that I or anyone else were involved. **

**Sincerely Harry Potter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter **

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewes.**

**Dear D.A Members,**

**Hedwig is awesome, she is the best owl in the wizarding world. **

**21\. Stop wearing T-shirts saying, "Join the D.A and Harry will buy you a pony,".**

**I will not buy any member a pony also we are supposed to be secret, so stop advertising are existence. **

**22\. Anything Fred and George think is an awesome idea will end badly. **

**It usually ends with you in the hospital wing, in trouble or running from a giant rabbit with a serious drinking problem. **

**23\. Fred and George are not allowed to own a giant rabbit with a serious drinking problem. **

**Billy Bob Boo has to go. **

**24\. You cannot declare yourself ruler of everything that is awesome.**

**Because I am ruler of everything that is awesome, not any of you.**

**25\. Hogwarts isn't a nudist colony, nor should it be.**

**Because if it was it'd mean Umbridge would be walking around starkers and we can all agree, nobody wants that.**

**26\. Keep defying Umbridge.**

**Sincerely Harry Potter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**29\. Belongs to Here's7to6never5growing4up **

**30\. Belongs to Embersky. **

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

**Dear D.A members, **

**If I scream really loudly in Snape's ear he gets upset. **

**27\. Claiming an octopus gave you a bottle of Fire-Whiskey will not stop Professor McGonagall shouting at you. **

**Trust me on this. **

**28\. Stop suggesting we get matching tattoos, especially if the tattoo is a pink smiley faces wearing green hats.**

**29\. Stop sending threatening letters to Fenrir Greyback.**

**I don't like him either, but does any one want a werewolf to attack Hogwarts.**

**30\. Would Fred and George please take down the banner in the great hall that says, "We are a secret order of Umbridge Haters. If you would like to join, enter the room of requirement at two thirty!".**

**I know we need new members, but I doubt Umbridge approves of this.**

**31\. Stop blaming me for everything you do.**

**I am not responsible when you blow up toilets, I am not responsible when release a nine headed tiger in the hallways nor I am responsible when you decided it'd be a good idea to turn up to potions naked singing the school song.**

**32\. Never try to reason with people who are idiots. **

**That's not really a rule, but friendly advice. **

**33\. Do not get caught sneaking out of the Slytherin common room after you've successfully managed to fill it up with feathers, whipped cream, sweet corn and jelly. **

**34\. The professors will never agree to letting you setting up a bouncy castle in their classroom. **

**Which is unfair, but what can you do?.**

**Sincerely Harry Potter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**35\. Belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model.**

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

**Dear D.A members, **

**Umbridge is crazier than the twin hyper on sugar, Hermione on engry and Dobby when give him a thousand socks.**

**35\. Sticking life-size pictures of my face in the girls' toilets is unnecessary. And disturbing.**

**Especially when Ginny came to me in a bad mood and said she'd caught several girls kissing my photographed face. Girls are so weird sometimes.**

**36\. None of you are allowed to use any of my belongings to mop up chocolate sauce, pumpkin juice and some unknown green goo that you throw all over Umbridge's office. **

**Use something of hers.**

**37\. Not allowed to hold a 'Are sanity has left us' party when we having a D.A meeting. **

**38\. Fred Weasley is not responsible for the creation of the universe and he can stop claiming he is. **

**38a. George Weasley did not travel back in time and become a Pharoh. **

**39\. Not allowed to do anything that will result Umbridge's or Snape's clothes vanishing. **

**40\. Hermione is not allowed to send photos of random cats to Death Eaters. **

**Why she wants to is beyond me.**

**Sincerely Harry Potter.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**41\. Belongs to Hermione Is My Role Model. **

**A massive thank-you to my readers and reviewers. **

**Dear D.A members, **

**I am not going to lie at the moment I hate some of you.**

**41\. Whoever the hell put love potion in my pumpkin juice so that I fell madly in love with Umbridge?!.**

**You're in big trouble. Now I will NEVER be able to show my face again. This will go down in history and my future grandchildren (if I have any) won't be able to walk down Diagon Alley without people pointing and going "oh look, there go the grandchildren of Harry Potter, the boy who drank love potion and started literally kissing Umbridge's butt in front of everyone." My dignity has been RUINED.**

**Everyone is laughing at me. That incident was bad enough. Now I've got detention with Toad Face every week for the rest of the year.**

**And do you know what? I found her flowery frilly under my pillow. UNDER MY PILLOW! And Seamus and Ron saw. This is so unfair. I need a treacle tart.**

**42\. You cannot do whatever the hell you want and ignore what I say. **

**43\. Not everything is life is solvable by screaming "Monkeys stole my sandwiches". **

**It'd be awesome if it was though. **

**44\. The following things are forbidden as code names: **

**Pineapple fox ghost hunter**

**The most awesome thing in the universe**

**I blame my insanity hamsters**

**You all know you wish you could sing as brilliant as me.**

**Don't talk to me about psychic flamingos.**

**45\. No one is to encourage Hermione to blow up random parts of Hogwarts. **

**Seriously covering that she is the culprit is becoming very difficult. **

**46\. No using any D. A member as a human shield. **

**It is not a great strategy for future Death Eater attacks. **

**47\. No trying to make peace with Voldemort by offering to hand me over to him. **

**The fact you offered to sell me out is hurtful, but not as hurtful as finding out you were willing to hand me over for a carrot. **

**48\. I can and will tell your parents if you bite me. **

**Sincerely Harry Potter.**


End file.
